Update on Yoga-Shopping:

I have decided to try to beat the Indian Govenment and patent all the Yoga Posutres myself, or at least in the name of JUNGLEYOGA, INK. I have my lawyers and my personal dieties working on the case as we speak. If you are not up to date on the drama going on in the yoga/patent world, please see the yoga news page. Due to misuse and gross profit-mongering by westerners attempting to make money off the ancient wisdom of India, the Indian Government is attmpting to protect the yoga postures by taking out international copyrights on them.

What does that mean to you and I? It means that if you do downward dog, you will either have to call it something else, or pay the Governemt of India each time you perform or even say the name of the posture. Nice! To get around the patent, we may need to re-name the postures. For example, i think i will turn ' downward dog' into 'downward duck'. Let them sue me! It is different and it will not be done in any kind of spiritual context, so it will not be Indian Yoga. Don't worry India, you will get your fair share!

'Headstand' i will now call 'neck tension pose', 'Crane' i will now call 'Crane' but not the bird but the machine; 'Mountain' i will now simply call: 'Big Hill with Snow on Top.' Full backbend i am going to call 'Ow, this fucking hurts'. It may seem a bit tricky to get at first, but once you get used to the new system, you will forget that there were old names in the first place. It will make it easier to remember when you don't have to pay extra each time you do yoga. If India really does this, I am going to be in serious debt!

Breaking News in the world of Yoga Shopping!!

Great news everyone!! I know that we have all been involved in the world of Yoga-Shopping for a long time, and we think we have seen it all. There are so many stores that cater to our needs, both on and off the mat. It seems that our clever retailer friends have thought of everything; yoga clothes and products have made it from unique boutiques in London to American Wall-Mart stores in the Southern USA.

What has really been lacking, in the (often misguided) opinions of Jungleyoga, Ink, is that buying yoga products is still difficult and time-consuming. It takes time to find a yoga shop or a Wall-Mart, to go inside, select one's product, etc. It seems to us, in this fast paced world, to be a waste of valuable time which could be spent practicing or spending. What is needed, and now provided, is a more easy and quick way to get what we need... thus we introduce our line of yoga convenience stores!!!

YOGA MART!!!!

Our new chain of Yoga Mart kwik stop shoppes will provide all of your yoga needs without all the hassle of other shops. Everything one needs will be within four walls: no more shopping around! Our shops should be on most street corners from Bali (our flagship store is pictured on left) to Berlin and Boston, by 2012. We hope to offer drive-thru service in selected locations throughout Mongolia, Montana and Malawi.

Besides the usual products needed by yogis (including all products listed below on Jungleyoga, Ink) we have taken special contracts with Lucky Strike cigarettes and Country brand cigarettes for those naughty yogis out there! Russian yoga cigarettes will also be available.

So look for Yoga Mart in your neighborhood, coming soon!! (Please write to the CEO of Jungleyoga, Ink for franchise opportunities).

Exciting New Yoga Mats for Spiritual Warriors of All Types!

Sick of the same-old same-old yoga mat styles? Wanting something new and stimulating in your asana mat? Despair no more, Jungleyoga has a new line of yoga mats for every0ne. Look below for all your wonderful options:

The "Yoga Mat of Nails" for those harder souls

For Thee Who Loveth the Earth:

(Please note that Sticky-Rice Mats are not guaranteed durable against heavy sweating, rain or attacks of ants. Some mould may form if kept in damp conditions or dipped in soy sauce. Taste of mats is not guaranteed against lingering feet smell after first use. Wash with bio-degradable soap by hand; disappearance of mat may occur if water is used in washing. Do not wash in rivers where there are fish, nor near fishermen.)

NEW ALBUM BY KRISHNA DAS, MASTER OF KIRTAN!!

Finally, the much admired master of western style kirtan has emerged with a new album, entitled 'I Hate You'. His recent effort is an unexpected surprise, and a great departure from his earlier work. In fact, reviewers were shocked, and some horrified and others overjoyed. Those who expected a more-of-the-same type album will be disappointed for sure, but the new themes and moods of 'I Hate You' may draw fans from outside the traditional kirtan circles. Jungleyoga has recieved praise for the album from Ziggy Blackmonster, lead singer for The Electric Chairs, a popular death metal band in Poland. He writes "Ordinarily, i's hates kirtan music. Nothing could be more fartherer from the hard hitting pain of metal musics. But Das has made something that even the hardest nail eating metal fan could love. I especailly love his's song 'I Melted my Harmonium with Hate'. Great one! Keep it up! Next album you's may have to maybe rename you self 'Black Das'. Rock On!"

Yoga Urinal reviews it: "The master of kirtan has outdone himself this time. No greater departure from his old formula could be imagined, and yet it is just what the kirtan public needs. Gone are the 'clapping labia' of yesterday who populated his live shows, Das is after a new demographic with this one, the punks, goths and metal munchers. In a much-publicized dream, Das saw darkness in his blinding tunnel of light and followed it, and found punks on the other side. Taking the dream as something of a crusade, he has created and album of irreverence and wrath. I HATE YOU is a spiritual masterpiece, and should destroy the stagnant regime of kirtan forever."

Other notable tracks on the album include: 'Spiritual Self-destruction', 'Yoga Makes Me Sick' and 'Kali Eats the Brains of the Non-believers'. All in all, Das' latest musical offering is an entirely new genre which should reach every corner of the Three Realms with its wrath and bile. We hope he continues with this amazing work.

Spiritual Knickers

I found these on a website done by conservative Hindus, a site which is a protest to 'insulting' consumer items. This includes films, acts of public offence (see Richard Geer kissing Sheila Sheppy at an AIDS awareness rally in Rajasthan), and other things offensive to Hindus. I am all for cultural sensitivity, but these guys were going a little too far, as conservatives tend to do. The offensive article in question here are the OM knickers, which places the holy OM symbol smack on the top of a lady's most holy of holies. Obviously the lads at the website don't practice tantra, which worships a woman's yoni as the center of the universe and origin of all things. I ask another question: where can you not find OM?

There is a story in India where a group of Brahmins came upon a Sadhu (monk) reclining with his feet on a linga stone. The linga is an ancient and holy symbol of Shiva. The Brahmins berated the sadhu for defiling the holy stone with his feet, for which the sadhu profoundly apologized. As he walked away from the Brahmins, linga stones sprung up in each of his footprints! Where is OM not?

Note the special jibe at America in the lower corner: 'Made in USA'. I would think that the USA is seen as the homeland of the heratic and corruptor, as many other conservative religious groups seem to see it. Thus the very unholy underwear must come from the very origin of non-belief. Hey conservatives, at least she is wearing knickers! Be thankful for that!

Yoga T-Shirts

There is a growing collection of yoga-based T-Shirts for fun and fashion. The modern T-Shirt is a statement of individuality and opinion; one can express to the world one's basic philosophy without anyone having to ask. Even total strangers will know who you are and what you stand for.

Yoga, in keeping with the times, also has an expression through the T-Shirt. One can love or hate yoga, but it's so hard to keep your opinion to yourself. So far, we have a small but wide range of opinions.

If you really do hate yoga and everything it stands for, this shirt is for you. White writing on a black background gives the stranger a definite impression that your opinion is immutable. The only shirt that rivals it is unrelated to yoga, but is a nice extension for those really rashy days:

N.B.:(Teachers receive a 10% discount on all 'FUCK YOGA' products, excluding the knickers and intimates collection.)

If you really need to say it loud and maintain your meditation in the outside world, you may order this one:

For a limited time, anyone who orders 20 or more of fkn fk shirts will receive a free coffee mug in the same theme. Say it all at work!! Noone will bother you at your desk or at lunch. You may even have a seat free next to you on the train!

Our next offer is more of a quietly sexual statement of your 'relationship' to yoga, plus it gives your asana of preference. Save time with clumsy tumbling and get into your down dog! The hearts imply that downward dog and related postures must be done with love and Anahata Chakra, not just Mula bandha.

If you already own shirts that say such things as 'Pilots do it in the air', 'Climbers do it with ropes', 'Honk if your horney',etc... this shirt is one for your collection:

Yoga and Sex

Since yoga and sex go hand in 'hand', we have searched the world's sexiest shops from Amsterdam to Dubai, for yoga products to offer you. If you're feeling the itch, get a little sexy in your practice. Remember, just because yoga was created by celibates does not mean that you have to play that way. Tantra is the path for the Kali Yuga, the age of darkness.

We have discovered a DVD that one can do at home, in fact, should do at home. If you find motivation for spiritual work in butts and breasts, you may get Moksha with this one. Steamy like an Indian jungle!

Top models are not immune to the yoga bug, and Christy has been a wonderful spokeswoman for yoga's sensual side. Bra-less, wet and sandy, she is truly showing yoga's headonistic side. I am a little worried about her alignment, though. Maybe she needs an adjustment!! Let me help....

The model for the Philipine Yoga Asana Championship looks like she would just as soon tear your head off as smile at you. Focus and concentration are everything, but her top looks like it may slip off if she gets too wild. Note that this is a Bikram event.

Important Items for Sadhana

We are offering a discount on current models of chasitiy belts! The model shown here (#35662738a) is our most popular, with over 21,000 sold world-wide. It is guaranteed to be cumbersom, uncomfortable and impossible to open in times of heated passion. All of your hard-earned Tapas will be safe from moments of weakness and desire. The design is by Sri Swami Maithunananda of Hardwar. It is made of the hardest oak, camel leather and titanium fittings; the key may be ordered separately from the manufacturer, but don't bother, cause it won't work!

Other Models are available, and not just for blokes, ladies can also benefit from the adoption of the chasity belt....

Our cheapest models for ladies are made from simple materials from a DIY shop...

Of course, all models come with timeless instruction on use and cleaning of your new chasitiy belts.

And new models are on our drawing boards every day. If you have a favorite, please submit your drawings and we could add it to our collection!